Reptilians and the Rauschmonstrum


Recently I was lucky enough to hear the Opie & Anthony clip where Louis CK asked Donald Rumsfeld if he was a lizard from outer space. (He never gave a straight answer. It makes me wonder…)

Whoever came up with the idea of Reptilians and convinced some people to believe in them scored quite the coup. After all, it’s entered the cultural lexicon. Let me see if I can come up with a conspiracy theory to rival the Reptilians in the time I’m writing this:

Throughout human history we have been overseen by a shape shifting monster known as the Rauschmonstrum. He can do all types of magic and is immortal.  The Rauschmonstrum occasionally intervenes in human affairs. Sometimes he does this out of boredom and sometimes because he thinks it’s the right thing to do. In example, he goaded Julius Caesar to take over Rome, he conned Jesus of Nazareth into thinking he was the son of God, ad more recently he tipped the election for George W. Bush in 2000. (He regrets this one.) Sometimes the Rauschmonstrum is benevolent and sometimes he is malevolent, for he is a bipolar sort. Anybody who denies the Rauschmonstrum’s existence is simply a shill of the Rauschmonstrum trying to lead you off the trail of discovering the true nature of the world you live in.

There we have it, The Conspiracy of the Rausch. If you wish to believe in it, that’s fine with me. If not, that’s also fine. Maybe somebody will like to combine the Reptilian and Rauschmonstrum conspiracies into one, which would be groovy.


{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}

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