The Rauschmonstrum Comments On Paul’s Letters to the Thessalonians

Dear Paul,


I don’t dig these letters to the Thessalonians.  First off you warn against sensuality.  What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody wants to hear this.  Just because you’re a celibate preacher (nobody causes more issues than you celibate preachers) doesn’t mean you should ruin everyone else’s fun.  Encourage everyone to fuck and they’ll gladly listen to the rest of your message.


In these letters you also make the mistake of telling everyone you expect Jesus to return during your lifetime.  He ain’t coming back in your lifetime or anyone else’s lifetime, he’s gone, and he wasn’t magic.  By claiming he’s coming back you’re setting Christianity up for a premature death.  If you make people expect a Return from him soon and he never shows up, then they’re going to lose interest in you and the movement is out of luck. Be sure to avoid slip-ups like this in the future.


Carry On,

The Rauschmonstrum

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