The Rauschmonstrum and James Toback

This interview originally appears in my book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.


The Rauschmonstrum sat down with James Toback in late 1988 for an interview to be included in Toback’s documentary ‘The Big Bang.’ They discussed human nature, the Rauschmonstrum’s book Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex, and the beginnings of the universe.


[James Toback, a bald rotund figure in his mid 40’s sits, at a coffee table wearing a dark trench coat.  The Rauschmonstrum sits across the table from him, wearing a matching trench coat.  They are both sipping cups of coffee]


Toback: You haven’t done an interview in a long time.

Rausch: Over the last 9 years or so, I decided my time was best used in the shadows.

Toback: When I first met you, I was in my freshman year at Harvard in 1964.  You were on campus giving a lecture on diplomatic policy for the modern age.

Rausch: I remember the occasion well. Ian Fleming was giving a lecture on James Bond in the room across the hall.

Toback: Yes he was, and that caused me a problem because I wanted to attend both of them. I decided a way to solve that problem was to attend both. I would spend fifteen minutes at your lecture, and then go into the other room for fifteen minutes, and back and forth.

Rausch: How’d that work?

Toback: Well, it was interesting.  I was on LSD, first of all.

Rausch: Oh my.

Toback: Have you done LSD?

Rausch: No, but I’ve observed others when they have.

Toback: Well when I was shuffling back and forth between the two lectures on the LSD, I found the two lectures starting to blend together in my head. Since you were talking about the Cold War foreign policy, and Fleming was talking about James Bond and espionage and writing and coming up with ideas; all of those things blended together into one lecture where the gaps in each lecture was filled in by the material in the other lecture. It ran in my head like a great big creative spy story.

Rausch: So everything I said that night blended together with a Bond adventure in your mind?

Toback: That’s right.

Rausch: Must have been an interested night.

Toback: It was. But anyway, for people of my age, you are truly a Herculean figure.  I was thirteen when Jesus & Me came out, and fifteen when you appeared on Mike Wallace’s show, so I was certainly in the meaty parts of my adolescent life, and for you to step in and completely lay waste to the whole understanding of the cosmos and then reshape it in your image, just as you’ve done time and time again in the past, it formulated my own concept of the radical means by which I could and should live my own life.

Rausch: I’m glad to hear it.

Toback: I’m currently putting together a project where I explore the meaning of life and existence with several people. You’ve been around for roughly 100,000 years, so I’m wondering what you have to say about humanity as you’ve seen it over the years.

Rausch: Where does one begin responding to something like that?

Toback: Well, what have been the staple behaviors us humans have demonstrated?

Rausch: For one thing, regardless of what systems you people try to come up with politically, you’ve all always ended up gravitating towards some kind of hierarchy.

Toback: Ah, so there are haves and have nots, and no matter how we may try to disrupt that, there are always going to be haves and have nots separating groups of people.

Rausch: That’s correct, Jim. Now I must say, this doesn’t mean it isn’t good to have certain mechanisms in place so that things don’t get too out of hand in terms of the rich running away with all the money. But regardless of this, hierarchy will always be with us, and it’s actually something to embrace, not to be afraid of.

Toback: This is all reflected in this book you’ve recently released; Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex, in which your main argument is the people put in charge of a country’s foreign policy and diplomacy tend to be very intelligent, educated men, who also tend to have large appetites for adventure, which is why they’re drawn overseas in the first place, and that amongst their appetites for adventure is an appetite for sexual adventure, and they are interested in carrying on affairs in foreign lands with exotic women, and that this behavior is reflected in the policies of the United States.

Rausch: You’ve more or less hit the nail on the head in terms of my book’s summary.

Toback: Funnily enough, I always felt something like that to be true, but I was never able to put it into words before.

Rausch: Currently I’m working on a follow-up book, which will concentrate on these adventuring statesmen negatively effecting the people in the United States in terms of enacting domestic policies which reflect their own high intelligence and high-energy temperament, but which aren’t good for the average and below-average people within the country.

Toback: Could you expand on that a bit?

Rausch: If you’re exceptionally bright and ambitious you are more likely to desire to break out of the traditions and cultural norms of your society, and if you have this desire and you find yourself in a position of power, it stands to reason you will try to alter the culture so that it better reflects your view for how things should be.  However, while this may suit you and the people who share your intellect level and interests, it can have devastating effects on those of medium and low intelligence, for whom cultural norms and traditions provide a much-needed structure.

Toback: Wild.  You saying that is kind of giving me an acid flashback.

Rausch: If that’s because I’ve really stimulating your thinking, then I’m glad.

Toback: I’m going to read a bit more about those subjects. I think of myself as an adventurer, and many of my friends are adventurers, and quite a few of these friends are in high places. So, I can see all of it being true.

Rausch: Most of my friends fit that description, and it was through observing them that I came up with the thesis of my book.

Toback: The other thing I want to say to you is I have a theory about how the universe began.  Would you like to hear it?

Rausch: You’d be amazed how many people have wanted to tell me their theories about the universe over the years.

Toback: You’re the best guy to ask in the world after all.

Rausch: Go ahead.

Toback: I believe the universe began as a kind of orgasmic explosion by God.

Rausch: Is that so?

Toback: Yes, I came up with it while staying in the Shangri Lai Hotel in Santa Monica.

Rausch: Go on.

Toback: That’s all there is to it.

Rausch: Oh.

Toback: I think it fits together with your “the American foreign policy is based on sexual gratification” idea. Is there any validity to it?

Rausch: Maybe if you mean God in the Einsteinian “God doesn’t play dice with the Universe” sense, where God is nature, and the cosmos is the result of an “orgasm” of the laws of physics. In that case you may be right.

Toback: Brilliant. Just what I wanted to hear. Thank you for joining me. I’ll catch you at one of the president’s parties in the months to come.

Rausch: Thank you for including me in your movie, Jim.

Toback: Don’t be surprised if I come back to you begging for financing for my next movie.

Rausch: Of course you will.

Norman Mailer – 1963

The Rauschmonstrum met with novelist Norman Mailer in December of 1963 for an interview which was originally published in Village Voice. They discussed the Rauschmonstrum’s newest book “The Old Testament & Me”, the November 22nd resignation of John F. Kennedy, the presidential campaign of Christian evangelist Billy Graham, as well as the subject of metaphysics.


Mailer: When I first heard about you, you seemed like you were out of a fantasy or science fiction novel.

RM: I’m told that by a lot of people.

Mailer: When I was in the army I developed a theory about God and the nature of the universe. 

RM: Oh boy.

Mailer: On the off chance I’ve misunderstood everything you’ve ever said, could I run it by you and see if it’s correct?

RM: Spring it on me.

Mailer: The way I framed it was like this; God is in a constant struggle with the Devil, and God isn’t guaranteed victory over the Devil. God isn’t all powerful, and he could lose this fight.  As far as humans are concerned it is our job to live our lives with as much vitality as possible in order for the forces of good to triumph over the forces of evil.

RM: It’s a colorful theory Norman, but it’s incorrect.  I’m sorry.

[Mailer chuckles]

Mailer: Well there goes years of sustained thought down the drain. Moving on, this new book of yours The Old Testament & Me deals specifically with your claimed role in a tradition I’m a part of, the tradition of the Jewish people. It cleared a lot of things up for me, and several passages made me laugh to the point of tears.  I was thinking that if I had known back as a child that so many of the events which my ancestors held to be the most important things that’d ever happened to mankind, as detailed in the pages of the Torah, were all just a blob of gobblygook caused because of a shapeshifting monster’s desire to help the people who inhabited parts of the Middle East at a specific point in time, then I wouldn’t have bothered studying in Hebrew school.  

RM: Glad to hear it.

Mailer: You do a good job of showing the nonsense of it all.  I doubt there will be a single believer left in a generation.

RM: Splendid.

Mailer: I remember being a kid and not liking Moses. I’m glad that feeling was vindicated.

RM: Moses was a terrible human being. Without my guidance he wouldn’t have been able to lead a group of people out of a brothel, let alone the desert of Sinai. 

Mailer: And even then, it took forty years.

RM: Yeah, well I was drifting in and out of the region by then.  I was really drained from parting the Red Sea.

Mailer: I’ll tell you though, I don’t like this book quite as much as Jesus & Me, but that’s probably because that was a single narrative while this is more of an anthology of stories.

RM: What’s your favorite segment in the book?

Mailer: Probably the story about King David.  It’s very visceral; bares a lot of edge.  Particularly the orgy scenes.

RM: Of the stories in the book, that was the most fun to write and was also the most fun to live out.

Mailer: I envy you.  On a related note, let me ask you about the Kennedy business.

RM: I like Kennedy. I think what they did by outing his affairs was bad for the nation.  I wish he hadn’t had to resign, but the impeachment process would have done him in anyway.

Mailer: I love Kennedy.  As I said in my essay “Superman Comes to The Supermarket” I thought he had the qualities to bring a great existential awakening to the country.

RM: Did I not bring a great existential awakening to the country before him?

Mailer: No because you’re not a human.  You’ve awakened us in a different way, and maybe even a much more important way, but not in an existential way.  You can’t think and feel the way humans do. Kennedy does.

RM: Touché.  Do you think Kennedy was able to bring about that existential awakening during his time in office?

Mailer: I believe so.  Going through the list of names of women he slept with during his time in office certainly emboldened my own imagination.

[They chuckle]

Mailer: And I’m sure he’ll continue having an adventures life now that he’s a private citizen. I just hope Mrs. Kennedy is doing okay.

RM: I’m sure she’ll be fine after her and her friends get back from their trip around Europe.

Mailer: Yeah, they’re all on that Greek fellow Onassis’ yacht sailing around the Riviera from what I hear.  Have you met Onassis?

RM: We have some mutual friends and business associates. How do you feel about LBJ?

Mailer: As I’ve said publically before, I have a hard time liking somebody if I don’t like their face, and I don’t like Johnson’s face.

RM:  That’s a… that’s an interesting way of looking at it. What do you think Graham’s chances are for ‘64?

Mailer: Well he is a brilliant orator, so I can’t rule him out, but I just don’t think he has the numbers needed.  Many of those who are still believers don’t want him in the office because he’s so rigid. And in major part to you, the number of Christians in the country is crashing as we speak.  Do you think he can win?

RM: Yes, he’s harping all the Kennedy sex stuff into the ground, and it’s a subject which much of the country really cares about, albeit a smaller and smaller part of the country.

Mailer: Is envy the reason they care? The envy Kennedy has been living out this sensuous life, juggling the biggest actresses in Hollywood in these affairs, with all this money, being so handsome, and having all this power?

RM: Of course. Envy is one of humanity’s strongest pulls. 

Mailer: If Graham loses is that it for his side?

RM: Oh yes. With a Graham loss, it’ll be off to the ash heap of history for the influence of the religious element in American politics.

Mailer: Clearly you take a lot of glee in this.

RM: Oh certainly.

Mailer: I admit, I’m not. I’ve often called myself a left-conservative, and that’s because I think when it comes to certain aspects within a society, ripping away a structure because of some ills you find in it is a bad idea because a lot of good exists in the structure too, often more good than bad, and you may not realize how much good there was until it’s gone.

RM: Don’t forget Norman, I created this structure. 

Mailer: That you did.

RM: I like that term you have there, left-conservative, maybe you could run for President in the future on a platform like that.

Mailer: I’d get votes on the coasts and nothing in-between. Let me ask you, going back to what I was saying before about my theory of good and evil, do you think it’s possible you may actually be God, or be the Devil, and not even realize it?

RM: I’ve thought of that before.  I can’t rule it out.  I’ve never had any guidance.  I’ve been simply by myself, and impulses come to me.  Then I form plans, put some of them into effect and see the results.  If there were a God I’m sure that’s what the terms of his existence would be.  So perhaps I might be God.

Mailer: And could you be the Devil?

RM: The Devil I’m not so sure about. The concept of the Devil requires he is responding to something. It requires that he knows God is there and is in constant conflict with this good force. That simply does not apply to me.

Mailer: But perhaps you are the Devil, and there is a God, and you are leading us all astray to be damned for eternity.

RM: I can’t prove to you it isn’t the case, but if I am indeed the Devil leading you all astray, everyone should wonder why God isn’t responding.

Mailer: Grim thought…What do you plan to do next? Are there world events you plan to disrupt?

RM: No, I’m out of the global influence game.  I’m content just being a public figure, writing books, giving speeches, and doing interviews like this. 

Mailer: You’re not gonna stick your fingers into Vietnam?

RM: No, there’d be unintended consequences.  It’s a nuclear age now.  I don’t know how the Soviets would react.

Mailer: So the existence of the nuclear bomb has limited your ability to play a role in man’s affairs?

RM: Yes, and it gives me a sense of horror to say it out loud. That’s changed everything.  But it keeps my negative tendencies in check at least.  

Mailer: You’re definitely a major fixture within modern culture, but I think a being of your infinite capabilities and knowledge should play a larger role than you presently are.  You could churn out great book after great book and educate us about everything, and even invent things to improve our quality of life.

RM: I’ve often told myself I should be doing more. I’m still adjusting to existing out in the open amongst the humans, but I think you’ll be impressed by the work I do in the next couple of years.

Mailer: Thank you Rausch, hope to see you soon.

RM: Take care Norman.

Rausch Timeline

The timeline including at the beginning of my forthcoming book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.


1957- Dwight D. Eisenhower is inaugurated for his second term as President of the United States. The Rauschmonstrum’s book Jesus & Me is released.


1958- Jesus & Me reaches the top of the New York Times Bestseller list


1959- The Rauschmonstrum has his first public interview, appearing on The Mike Wallace Interview. It is the most watched event in television history up to that point.


1960- John F. Kennedy is elected the 35th President of the United States, defeating incumbent Vice President Richard Nixon in a close contest.


1963- President Kennedy resigns on November 22nd after stories of his affairs with several Hollywood actresses are printed in the press. He is replaced by Vice President Lyndon Baines Johnson. The Rauschmonstrum’s book The Old Testament & Me is released.


1964- The United States escalates its involvement in the Vietnam War after the Gulf of Tonkin incident. President Johnson is elected to a second term after defeating Republican nominee evangelist William Graham Jr.


1967- Self-identifying Christians are shown to have declined 25% from ten years earlier.   


1968- Republican Governor Nelson Rockefeller defeats Democratic nominee Senator Eugene McCarthy to be elected the 37th President of the United States.


1972- President Rockefeller defeats Senator Edmund Muskie to win re-election.


1973- The Vietnam War is brought to an end with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords.


1975- The Rauschmonstrum founds a technology company, RauschSoft, along with media theorist Professor Marshall McLuhan and software developer Bill Gates.


1976- New York Senator Robert F. Kennedy is elected President after defeating former Governor of California Ronald Reagan in the general election.


1979- RauschSoft becomes the largest company in the world by market cap, shortly after the smash success of their new computer, the RauschCube.  


1980- President Robert Kennedy is re-elected president in a landslide against Republican George HW Bush.


1984- Republican Bob Dole defeats Democrat Ted Kennedy for the President.


1987- The Rauschmonstrum founds RauschSearch, an internet search engine company.


1988- Novelist Norman Mailer defeats incumbent President Bob Dole to be elected the 40th President of the United States in a stunning upset. The Rauschmonstrum is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his book Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex.


1991- The Soviet Union dissolves, thereby ending the Cold War.


1992- After President Mailer refuses to run for a second term, former California Governor Jerry Brown defeats actor Clint Eastwood to be elected the 41st President of the United States.


1993- Percentage of people identifying as religious drop below 10% worldwide.


1996- President Brown is re-elected in a landslide over Republican challenger Dan Quayle of Indiana.


1998- The film adaptation of Jesus & Me is released to rave reviews. It goes on to be the highest grossing movie of all time.


2000- Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is elected President in a close election over California Governor Warren Beatty.


2001- RauschSearch overtakes RauschSoft as the largest company by market cap in the world. Shortly after this the Rauschmonstrum resigns his positions from both companies and sells all his stock in both as well.


2004- President Gingrich wins re-election easily over Massachusetts Senator John Kerry.


2008- Illinois Senator Barack Obama is elected the 43rd President of the United States in a landslide victory over Republican John McCain.


2010- Flying cars are legalized in the United States and immediately become popular.


2012- President Obama wins re-election over New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.


2014- The Rauschmonstrum is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his role in wiping out poverty in Africa.


2016- Businessman Donald J. Trump is elected President of the United States in a stunning upset over sitting Vice President Joe Biden. The Rauschmonstrum announces his intention to go into isolation from humanity.

The Rauschmonstrum Interviewed By Mike Wallace In 1959

The following is an interview which took part between The Rauschmonstrum and Mike Wallace on his program ‘The Mike Wallace Interview’ in 1959. It’ll be incorporated in the forthcoming book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.

Wallace: The book Jesus & Me has taken the literary world by storm, telling the story of a shapeshifting monster who takes it upon himself to start Christianity, and sues Jesus of Nazareth as a tool to make this happen.  Christians worldwide have derided it, and yet it has been praised by many as one of the most imaginative books of the era.  Gore Vidal has called it “a laugh riot, yet deadly serious,” and Aldous Huxley has referred to it as “breathtakingly expansive.” Ever since the controversial book, the question on everybody’s mind has been “who wrote it?” It was assumed the name on the work, The Rauschmonstrum, couldn’t possibly be the author’s real name and was only a pseudonym. Now, in our studio today, the author is here ready for his first public interview. At this point I’m going to ask you to sit down if you are not already seated because in what has got to be the biggest case of an unexplained phenomena in many, many years, the author’s name really is The Rauschmonstrum and he’s not even human.  He appears to be a shapeshifting pillar of smoke. You heard me correctly. I’m just as surprised as you are. 

[The Rauschmonstrum floats above the guest chair across from Wallace with a big grin]

Wallace: I will get to the bottom of who he is and what he is right after this break. The cigarette is Philip Morris.

[Wallace holds up the cigarette in his hand, and things cut to commercial]

Wallace: We’re back. Well Mr. Rauschmonstrum, is that what you go by, or would you prefer I call you something else?

Rauschmonstrum: I’ve gone by a lot of things over the years, and you may call me what you wish. 

Alright, Mr. Rauschmonstrum.  What are you exactly?

Rauschmonstrum: In truth, I’m not quite sure.  It’s a mystery to me. One day I simply came to consciousness and tried to make sense of the things around me the same way a child does. The difference is I did not have the luxury of having beings around who were similar myself to give me any guidance.  I have no parents to the best of my knowledge. As you can see, physically I am made out of smoke.  I can shapeshift into different forms, and I have powers anyone would deem supernatural.  To a large extent, I think that is all there is to say.

Wallace: Can you shapeshift into anything you wish?  

Rauschmonstrum: Oh certainly. Everything and anything.

Wallace: Can you give us a demonstration?

Rauschmonstrum: Of course. How about I take the form of Vice President Richard Nixon.

Wallace: [laughing] If you wish. 

[The Rauschmonstrum shapeshifts into the form of Richard Nixon and sits in the guest chair]

Rauschmonstrum: [as Nixon] Now listen here. We need a policy that aggressively counters Soviet influence in the East. My dog Checkers agrees.

[The Rauschmonstrum shapeshifts back into his true form

Wallace: If I hadn’t known any better I would have assumed at that moment you really were Nixon. I’m sure the folks watching at home feel the same way. Did you learn how to do that with time, or were you born with the power?


Rauschmonstrum: I’d say I was born with it, except that I’m not sure I was ever really born. I think it would be like saying a rock was born.

Wallace: What a curious situation.  What other powers do you have?

Rauschmonstrum: I can do most anything in terms of manipulating the physical world. I give major examples in my book of all of the things I can do; healing the sick, feeding the hungry, raising the dead-

Wallace: Everything you write in Jesus & Me is true?

Rauschmonstrum: Yes, it’s all autobiographical. It’s not fiction, the way the New York Times classified it on their bestseller’s list.

Wallace: You understand making claims like that will disturb mass amounts of people around the globe.  Not just Christians, but people of other religions who will naturally be afraid their own religions are frauds perpetrated by you. Atheists, while not believing these religions are true, were at least under the impression that the understood laws of physics still applied. You’ve upheaved that as well by showing yourself.

Rauschmonstrum: I made peace with that when I decided to release the book. 

Wallace: Most people have a lot at stake in the Gospel stories. 

Rauschmonstrum: You’re all in for an interesting couple of years as I reveal more and more of what’s truth and what’s fabrication.

Wallace: Those are strong words.

Rauschmonstrum: If they weren’t strong words, then they’d be useless. 

Wallace: So, for those who have not read Jesus & Me, and aren’t familiar with the story, let’s summarize a bit.

Rauschmonstrum: By all means.

Wallace: The story starts with a description of you and what you can do, followed by your explanation you wanted to create a religion.

Rauschmonstrum: Yes, I wanted to shape humanity a little bit.  Plus, I didn’t like how the Romans were occupying Judea, and I didn’t like the religious laws prevalent in Judaism.  I was looking for a way to upheave both of those things.

Wallace: So, you decided the best way to achieve that was by making someone believe they are the son of God, and they would put the necessary things into effect for your plan to work?

Rauschmonstrum: Yes.

Wallace: And that person you found was Jesus of Nazareth.

Rauschmonstrum: He was.

Wallace: A deep believer would say you couldn’t possibly be telling the truth.

Rauschmonstrum: I know.  But at this point I don’t care. It’s time people toss all this stuff away and move on.

Wallace: You performed all the Gospel miracles and made it seem as though Jesus did them?

Rauschmonstrum: I did.

Wallace: That included feeding the multitude with a small amount of loaves and fish, and raising Lazarus from the dead?

Rauschmonstrum: I did those things.

Wallace: You can just make objects appear, and raise people from the dead. Remarkable.

Rauschmonstrum: I can do those things.  However, it’s important I set a boundary down for all those listening. I will never raise someone from the dead ever again.

Wallace: Why?

Rauschmonstrum: Because when I brought Lazarus back from the dead, I was disgusted by the complacency with which he lived his life afterwards.  He didn’t change a single thing about his life after he rose.  He went right back to doing his menial work, and the most excitement he’d have was dinner with his sisters once a week.  It was all very passive living.  I will not stand to raise more people from the dead, only for them not to take a new appreciation for their lives.

Wallace: Even if it were some great leader or scientist who would be able to contribute great things to humanity if they could be brought back to life?

Rauschmonstrum: Even then, it’d be a slippery slope from there. People would say “if you raised that country’s leader, why haven’t you raised our leader?”   People would beg me to raise up their loved ones and resent me if I didn’t.

Wallace: Tell me about Jesus of Nazareth. What type of person was he?

Rauschmonstrum: Hmmm, I do believe in my book I describe him as the most benevolent man who ever lived.  I stand by that. He wanted to help people.  He truly believed he was the son of God, yet he wasn’t interested in being a king on Earth.  His aim was absolute altruism.  Most people who got to meet him face to face felt the same way.

Wallace: And yet you decided he should die.

[There’s a pause here as Rauschmonstrum looks to be thinking things through]

Rauschmonstrum: When I started my mission to create what’s become Christianity. I didn’t think far ahead as to what would become of him.  However, Jesus himself seemed convinced he was destined to die to save mankind, and I realized him dying in the way he did would be a good was to convince others he really was who he said he was, and then I got the idea for the resurrection and…you know the rest.

Wallace: That take us to the most controversial part of your book, the chapter called “The Real Resurrection.”

Rauschmonstrum: Yes.

Wallace: You claim that once Jesus had been crucified, you stole his body from the tomb he’d been placed in and that you then buried him next to Judas Iscariot’s grave in the so-called Field of Blood.

Rauschmonstrum: I did.  It’s true.

Wallace: And then…you say you took the form of Jesus and appeared before his disciples, pretending to be him.

Rauschmonstrum: It happened in just that way.  Everything the disciples did after that point, spreading the ideas of Jesus, they did because of my appearances in the form of the Nazarene after he had died.  Those appearances convinced them Jesus had been for real.

Wallace: If you are lying or exaggerating about this, I ask you admit it to us now.

Rauschmonstrum: It all happened as I wrote.  No exaggerations, no lies.

Wallace: As I’m sure you realize, if what you say gains mainstream acceptance, it would completely change the culture. I don’t know if anything would be the same.

Rauschmonstrum: Oh, I’m aware. That’s why I wrote the book, and that’s why I’m here tonight.  If I weren’t prepared for any of this, I would not have written the book, and I would not have allowed myself to appear on camera.

Wallace: I don’t know if it’s intentional, but you come off a bit arrogant about this whole thing.

Rauschmonstrum: I wouldn’t say I’m arrogant. But it may be easy for me to appear that way while I’m setting the facts straight about some things humanity has been wrong about for so long, yet they have taken so much stake in.

Wallace: Mr. Rauschmonstrum, if humanity was wrong about the truth for all this time, it was because you led people astray with your trickery. You caused all of this!

Rauschmonstrum: You’re right, I led you all astray. That’s been a habit of mine over the years. But I hope I’m correcting for that now.

Wallace: But why now? You could have revealed yourself at any point?

Rauschmonstrum: For of all, I knew that if I ever revealed myself to humanity at large, particularly in this age of mass media, the whole present order would be flipped over.  Plus, I knew once I was exposed there wasn’t any going back.  People wouldn’t suddenly forget my existence.  It wouldn’t be possible for me to manipulate things on Earth in the manner I had before. Events that happened the last two decades made me feel it was time. There was the horrendous Second World War, and with that the Holocaust, and the dropping of the atomic bombs on Japan, and now there’s this arms race between the United States and the Soviet Union.  These events, I believe, have waged a psychic havoc on the unconscious mind of the people who have been alive for these events.  I think it’s a widespread fear today that one may die in a completely random act of mass destruction. And so, after a great deal of thought, I decided I should make my presence known as a way to counter this existential dread, and let mankind in on quite a bit of how the world and the universe actually works. 

Wallace: Aside from the life of Jesus of Nazareth, are there any other pivotal events in world history caused by you? And what about the other religions? Were you responsible for those too?

Rauschmonstrum: Yes, but I’ll decline from speaking about that topic at this time. That’ll be the subject of many future books.

Wallace: Well I for one look forward to those books…Rauschmonstrum, is there a God?

Rauschmonstrum: Ah, the big question.  Well here’s my answer.  In all my years, I have never seen evidence that such a being exists.

Wallace: That’ll be a cold thought for many people watching this.

Rauschmonstrum: It will leave them cold at first, but after giving it some time to sink in they will learn to accept it, and then move on to living without such fantasies.

Wallace: There have been rumblings you advise President Eisenhower in an unofficial capacity.  Is that true?

Rauschmonstrum: I think it best not to comment on that at this time.

Wallace: Understandable.  What will you do now? You clearly have the power to do with us what you wish. You could control the global order and direct things according to your whims. Is that what you plan on doing?

Rauschmonstrum: No, I have no intention of playing with humanity for my own purposes anymore. I did that for thousands of years, and it’s left me feeling as though I did it all wrong.  No, for the foreseeable future I plan on spending my time as a writer, a speaker, a developer of ideas to help humanity.  and a general public figure.  I think that’ll be a rewarding way to spend my time.

Wallace: I’m glad to hear that Mr. Rauschmonstrum. Thank you for joining us. It’s been a powerful experience for me having you here, and I’m sure in the future it’ll be considered a historic event.

Rauschmonstrum: My pleasure Mike.

Wallace: I’d like to thank the Rauschmonstrum for choosing to do his first interview with us. He’s sure to be a main fixture on the world stage for many years. Our guest next week will be Ayn Rand. Good night.

A Little Bit About Our Friend the Rauschmonstrum Before We Start

Hia folks, here is the introduction for the soon to be released Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum!

A Little Bit About Our Friend the Rauschmonstrum Before We Start

       The Rauschmonstrum is a shapeshifting monster who manipulates humanity from time to time to suit his desires.  Physically, he resembles a cloud of smoke.  If there’s a historical event of any note there’s a good shot he had something to do with it.  For most of mankind’s history he kept his existence a secret. However, this was to change in the twentieth century.

       Shortly after the end of World War II the Rauschmonstrum could be seen popping up at American and British military functions in Allied-occupied Germany.  Some photographs taken at these events show the remnants of his Cheshire Cat grin as he was in the process of disappearing from view.  Many American and European politicians began meeting with him.  They did this secretly for the most part, but on occasion he was spoken about in print interviews as “my friend Ol’ Rausch,” or “my acquaintance Ol’ Rausch.”  The pubic began to wonder who this “Ol’ Rausch” was after President Truman made a quip about him at a press conference in 1953 shortly before leaving office in an apparent slip of the tongue. 

       Then in 1957 a book entitled Jesus & Me was published under the name The Rauschmonstrum.  It told the story of a shapeshifting monster who lead Jesus of Nazareth throughout his life, tricking him into believing he was the son of God, when he was in reality just an altruistic man with a heightened sense of mania and a Messiah complex.  This book was completely ignored at first, but then became regionally famous in the Southern United States after certain Fundamentalist Christian preachers began organizing book burnings of it.  As these things often go, the vitriol expressed against Jesus & Me gave it increased attention and popularity elsewhere.  By the following year, it was the number one bestseller in the world, and held that position into the next decade. 

       It stands to reason people wondered who the author was.  There was no information about him at all other than his name at the bottom of the book cover. Naturally, rumors began to spread about his identity, such as that The Rauschmonstrum was really just a pseudonym for Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, or John Dos Passos. Many people made false claims about being the author as well.  Finally, in 1959, the Rauschmonstrum had his first interview, appearing on the ABC program The Mike Wallace Interview on June 6th. The world was quite literally never the same.