Jesus Forgives and Heals a Paralyzed Man

This post originally appeared as a chapter in my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum

When he entered again into Capernaum after some days, it was heard that he was in a house there.  Immediately many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even around the door; and he spoke the word to them.  Four people came, carrying a paralytic to him. When the crowd prevented them from getting near to him, they removed the roof where Jesus was.

When they had broken it up, they let down the mat that the paralytic was lying on.  Jesus, seeing their faith, said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

 But there were some of the scribes sitting there, and reasoning in their hearts, “Why does this man speak blasphemies like that? Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

The Rauschmonstrum was confused for completely different reasons. He knew that physical maladies were not caused by sins, and found it absurd that humans could think that they were.

The realization came to him that whatever flaws the Nazarene had in his thinking would be thought of as facts for generations if the Rauschmonstrum succeeded in his mission. However, he did not have the desire or inclination to alter how the Nazarene went about his business.

Jesus Turns Water to Wine

This post originally appears as a chapter in my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum.

There was a wedding in Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was in attendance, and Jesus had also been invited to the wedding along with his disciples.  When the wine had all been finished, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does that have to do with you and me? My hour has not yet come.”

The Rauschmonstrum, watching on, thought this was a terrible way for Jesus to talk to his mother, and did not understand what he meant when he said “My hour has not yet come” since Jesus had already begun preaching and purporting to have performed miracles.

Jesus’ mother turned to the servants and said, “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

 Nearby there were six water jars made of stone, the kind of jars used by the Jews for the purposes of ceremonial washing. Each jar held from twenty to thirty gallons.

 Jesus said to the servants “Fill the jars with water”; so the servants filled them to the brim. When this was done, the Rauschmonstrum transfigured the water into wine.

 Then Jesus told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the one who is in charge of the banquet.”

So they took it.  When the ruler of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and didn’t know where it came from, the ruler of the feast called the bridegroom,  and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when the guests have drunk freely, then that which is worse. You have kept the good wine until now!” 

What the Rauschmonstrum made it look as though Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

 While the Rauschmonstrum liked that this miracle inspired belief in Jesus’ disciples, and others around, he was not pleased that it had come in this manner. “Turning water into wine is the stuff of parlor tricks, not for something to be looked upon from the son of God,” thought the Rauschmonstrum.

Jesus Calls His First Disciples

This post was originally a chapter in my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum

One day Jesus went off to the Lake of Gennesaret. As he stood by the lake, people began crowding around him and listening to him as he spoke.  

He saw that at the edge of the water there were two boats, left there by fishermen, washing their nets.  Jesus got into one of the boats, the one which belonged to Simon, also known as Peter, and asked him to go a little farther from shore. Then Jesus sat down and began teaching people from the boat.

 When Jesus finished speaking, he said to Simon Peter, “Pull out into the deep water, and let the nets down so that you may catch.”

Peter responded, “Teacher, we have worked hard all night and have not caught anything. However, because you ask me so, I will let down the nets.”

 When the fishermen had done this, the Rauschmonstrum worked his abilities so that they caught such a large number of fish that their nets were unable to take the strain, and began to break. They beckoned to their partners in the other boat, that they should come and help them. They came, and filled both boats, so that they began to sink. 

Simon Peter, believing that Jesus was responsible for this, fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, Lord.” For he was amazed, and all who were with him, at the catch of fish which they had caught;  and so also were James and John, who were friends with Simon. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”  So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

The Rauschmonstrum was pleased, for he felt these men had the qualities to be good disciples for the Nazarene, most importantly an unquestioning nature.

The Baptism of Jesus

This post originated as a chapter in my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum

 It happened that soon after the Rauschmonstrum first encountered Jesus, Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan River. This pleased the Rauschmonstrum greatly, for it was the perfect opportunity to cement Jesus’ belief that he was the son of God.

 Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, the Rauschmonstrum created the vision of heaven being torn open and of a dove descending on Jesus, which the Rauschmonstrum knew would be believed to be a representation of the Holy Spirit. (Whatever it was the Holy Spirit was supposed to be. The Rauschmonstrum still was not sure.)

The Rauschmonstrum made it seem as though a voice came from heaven, and it said: “You are my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased.”

The Rauschmonstrum noticed that neither Jesus nor John was surprised by what had just occurred, they took it in stride.

 “It has begun” the Rauschmonstrum thought.    

Jesus’ Return to Nazareth

This post was originally a chapter in my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum.

Jesus Goes To His Hometown

Jesus went back to Galilee. Stories about him began spreading all over the area of  Galilee.  He began to teach in the synagogues, and all those who heard him, praised him.

Jesus traveled back to Nazareth, the town where he grew up. On the day of the Sabbath he went to the synagogue as he had done so many times before. He stood up to read.  The book of Isaiah the prophet was given to him. He opened the book and found the place where this passage is written:

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to heal the broken hearted, to proclaim release to the captives, recovering of sight to the blind, to deliver those who are crushed, and to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.”

Jesus closed the book, gave it back to the helper, and sat down. As everyone in the synagogue watched him closely,  he began to speak to them. He said, “While you heard me reading these words just now, they were coming true!”

 Everyone there said good things about Jesus. They were amazed to hear him speak such words. They said, “How is this possible? Isn’t he Joseph’s son?”

 Jesus said to them “Doubtless you have heard this parable. Most certainly I tell you, no prophet is acceptable in his hometown.  But truly I tell you, there were many widows in Israel in the days of Elijah, when the sky was shut up three years and six months, when a great famine came over all the land. Elijah was sent to none of them, except to Zarephath, in the land of Sidon, to a woman who was a widow.  There were many lepers in Israel in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed.”

 When the people in the synagogue heard these things, they were filled with wrath. The Rauschmonstrum could not understand why they were so angry, for he himself did not comprehend much of Jesus’ lecture, and the Rauschmonstrum was perhaps the foremost expert on Judaic scripture in the world.

The people rose up, and threw Jesus out of the city. They then led him to the edge of the cliff that their city was built on, so that they might throw him off the cliff.  But the Rauschmonstrum used his power to put a protective spell on Jesus. Jesus then walked through the middle of the crowd, unharmed, and went away.

The Rauschmonstrum spent much time afterwards thinking about the way the Nazarenes had reacted, saying to himself “I have given them perhaps the most benevolent man even seen here, and yet they wish to destroy him.” This experience solidified the Rauschmonstrum’s belief that mankind deserved whatever tricks he played on them.

The Temptation of Jesus

This originally appeared as a chapter within my book The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum.

The Rauschmonstrum needed to be sure that Jesus would not waver from his belief in God, nor his moral behavior. And so, he decided to test him.

When Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit (or so he thought), returned from the Jordan, the Rauschmonstrum lead him into the wilderness for forty days and forty nights.  Jesus ate nothing during those forty days and nights, and when they were ended, he was hungry.  The Rauschmonstrum then appeared to him in the form of what he figured the Devil should look like (The horns, the hooves, the pitchfork, and everything else).

He said to him, “If you are the Son of God, order this stone to become bread.”  And Jesus answered him, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone.’” 

In response, the Rauschmonstrum, in the form of Devil, took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time, and said to him, “To you I will give all this power and glory, for it has been kept in my care, and I give it to whom I will.  If you will worship me, then it will all be yours.”  And Jesus answered him, “It is written,

“‘You shall worship the Lord God,
  and only him shall you serve.’”

And so the Rauschmonstrum took Jesus to Jerusalem and placed him on the apex of the temple and said to him, “If you are truly the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for as it is written in the scriptures of old,

“‘He will order his angels in charge of you,
    to guard you,’ and

“‘With their might they will bear you up,
    lest you dash your foot against a stone.’”

To this Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You will not put the Lord your God to the test.’”  And when the Rauschmonstrum had ended every temptation, he departed from Jesus until an opportune time.

“His faith is strong. His work may escalate now.”

The Rauschmonstrum and James Toback

This interview originally appears in my book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.

 

The Rauschmonstrum sat down with James Toback in late 1988 for an interview to be included in Toback’s documentary ‘The Big Bang.’ They discussed human nature, the Rauschmonstrum’s book Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex, and the beginnings of the universe.

 

[James Toback, a bald rotund figure in his mid 40’s sits, at a coffee table wearing a dark trench coat.  The Rauschmonstrum sits across the table from him, wearing a matching trench coat.  They are both sipping cups of coffee]

 

Toback: You haven’t done an interview in a long time.

Rausch: Over the last 9 years or so, I decided my time was best used in the shadows.

Toback: When I first met you, I was in my freshman year at Harvard in 1964.  You were on campus giving a lecture on diplomatic policy for the modern age.

Rausch: I remember the occasion well. Ian Fleming was giving a lecture on James Bond in the room across the hall.

Toback: Yes he was, and that caused me a problem because I wanted to attend both of them. I decided a way to solve that problem was to attend both. I would spend fifteen minutes at your lecture, and then go into the other room for fifteen minutes, and back and forth.

Rausch: How’d that work?

Toback: Well, it was interesting.  I was on LSD, first of all.

Rausch: Oh my.

Toback: Have you done LSD?

Rausch: No, but I’ve observed others when they have.

Toback: Well when I was shuffling back and forth between the two lectures on the LSD, I found the two lectures starting to blend together in my head. Since you were talking about the Cold War foreign policy, and Fleming was talking about James Bond and espionage and writing and coming up with ideas; all of those things blended together into one lecture where the gaps in each lecture was filled in by the material in the other lecture. It ran in my head like a great big creative spy story.

Rausch: So everything I said that night blended together with a Bond adventure in your mind?

Toback: That’s right.

Rausch: Must have been an interested night.

Toback: It was. But anyway, for people of my age, you are truly a Herculean figure.  I was thirteen when Jesus & Me came out, and fifteen when you appeared on Mike Wallace’s show, so I was certainly in the meaty parts of my adolescent life, and for you to step in and completely lay waste to the whole understanding of the cosmos and then reshape it in your image, just as you’ve done time and time again in the past, it formulated my own concept of the radical means by which I could and should live my own life.

Rausch: I’m glad to hear it.

Toback: I’m currently putting together a project where I explore the meaning of life and existence with several people. You’ve been around for roughly 100,000 years, so I’m wondering what you have to say about humanity as you’ve seen it over the years.

Rausch: Where does one begin responding to something like that?

Toback: Well, what have been the staple behaviors us humans have demonstrated?

Rausch: For one thing, regardless of what systems you people try to come up with politically, you’ve all always ended up gravitating towards some kind of hierarchy.

Toback: Ah, so there are haves and have nots, and no matter how we may try to disrupt that, there are always going to be haves and have nots separating groups of people.

Rausch: That’s correct, Jim. Now I must say, this doesn’t mean it isn’t good to have certain mechanisms in place so that things don’t get too out of hand in terms of the rich running away with all the money. But regardless of this, hierarchy will always be with us, and it’s actually something to embrace, not to be afraid of.

Toback: This is all reflected in this book you’ve recently released; Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex, in which your main argument is the people put in charge of a country’s foreign policy and diplomacy tend to be very intelligent, educated men, who also tend to have large appetites for adventure, which is why they’re drawn overseas in the first place, and that amongst their appetites for adventure is an appetite for sexual adventure, and they are interested in carrying on affairs in foreign lands with exotic women, and that this behavior is reflected in the policies of the United States.

Rausch: You’ve more or less hit the nail on the head in terms of my book’s summary.

Toback: Funnily enough, I always felt something like that to be true, but I was never able to put it into words before.

Rausch: Currently I’m working on a follow-up book, which will concentrate on these adventuring statesmen negatively effecting the people in the United States in terms of enacting domestic policies which reflect their own high intelligence and high-energy temperament, but which aren’t good for the average and below-average people within the country.

Toback: Could you expand on that a bit?

Rausch: If you’re exceptionally bright and ambitious you are more likely to desire to break out of the traditions and cultural norms of your society, and if you have this desire and you find yourself in a position of power, it stands to reason you will try to alter the culture so that it better reflects your view for how things should be.  However, while this may suit you and the people who share your intellect level and interests, it can have devastating effects on those of medium and low intelligence, for whom cultural norms and traditions provide a much-needed structure.

Toback: Wild.  You saying that is kind of giving me an acid flashback.

Rausch: If that’s because I’ve really stimulating your thinking, then I’m glad.

Toback: I’m going to read a bit more about those subjects. I think of myself as an adventurer, and many of my friends are adventurers, and quite a few of these friends are in high places. So, I can see all of it being true.

Rausch: Most of my friends fit that description, and it was through observing them that I came up with the thesis of my book.

Toback: The other thing I want to say to you is I have a theory about how the universe began.  Would you like to hear it?

Rausch: You’d be amazed how many people have wanted to tell me their theories about the universe over the years.

Toback: You’re the best guy to ask in the world after all.

Rausch: Go ahead.

Toback: I believe the universe began as a kind of orgasmic explosion by God.

Rausch: Is that so?

Toback: Yes, I came up with it while staying in the Shangri Lai Hotel in Santa Monica.

Rausch: Go on.

Toback: That’s all there is to it.

Rausch: Oh.

Toback: I think it fits together with your “the American foreign policy is based on sexual gratification” idea. Is there any validity to it?

Rausch: Maybe if you mean God in the Einsteinian “God doesn’t play dice with the Universe” sense, where God is nature, and the cosmos is the result of an “orgasm” of the laws of physics. In that case you may be right.

Toback: Brilliant. Just what I wanted to hear. Thank you for joining me. I’ll catch you at one of the president’s parties in the months to come.

Rausch: Thank you for including me in your movie, Jim.

Toback: Don’t be surprised if I come back to you begging for financing for my next movie.

Rausch: Of course you will.

Norman Mailer – 1963

The Rauschmonstrum met with novelist Norman Mailer in December of 1963 for an interview which was originally published in Village Voice. They discussed the Rauschmonstrum’s newest book “The Old Testament & Me”, the November 22nd resignation of John F. Kennedy, the presidential campaign of Christian evangelist Billy Graham, as well as the subject of metaphysics.

 

Mailer: When I first heard about you, you seemed like you were out of a fantasy or science fiction novel.

RM: I’m told that by a lot of people.

Mailer: When I was in the army I developed a theory about God and the nature of the universe. 

RM: Oh boy.

Mailer: On the off chance I’ve misunderstood everything you’ve ever said, could I run it by you and see if it’s correct?

RM: Spring it on me.

Mailer: The way I framed it was like this; God is in a constant struggle with the Devil, and God isn’t guaranteed victory over the Devil. God isn’t all powerful, and he could lose this fight.  As far as humans are concerned it is our job to live our lives with as much vitality as possible in order for the forces of good to triumph over the forces of evil.

RM: It’s a colorful theory Norman, but it’s incorrect.  I’m sorry.

[Mailer chuckles]

Mailer: Well there goes years of sustained thought down the drain. Moving on, this new book of yours The Old Testament & Me deals specifically with your claimed role in a tradition I’m a part of, the tradition of the Jewish people. It cleared a lot of things up for me, and several passages made me laugh to the point of tears.  I was thinking that if I had known back as a child that so many of the events which my ancestors held to be the most important things that’d ever happened to mankind, as detailed in the pages of the Torah, were all just a blob of gobblygook caused because of a shapeshifting monster’s desire to help the people who inhabited parts of the Middle East at a specific point in time, then I wouldn’t have bothered studying in Hebrew school.  

RM: Glad to hear it.

Mailer: You do a good job of showing the nonsense of it all.  I doubt there will be a single believer left in a generation.

RM: Splendid.

Mailer: I remember being a kid and not liking Moses. I’m glad that feeling was vindicated.

RM: Moses was a terrible human being. Without my guidance he wouldn’t have been able to lead a group of people out of a brothel, let alone the desert of Sinai. 

Mailer: And even then, it took forty years.

RM: Yeah, well I was drifting in and out of the region by then.  I was really drained from parting the Red Sea.

Mailer: I’ll tell you though, I don’t like this book quite as much as Jesus & Me, but that’s probably because that was a single narrative while this is more of an anthology of stories.

RM: What’s your favorite segment in the book?

Mailer: Probably the story about King David.  It’s very visceral; bares a lot of edge.  Particularly the orgy scenes.

RM: Of the stories in the book, that was the most fun to write and was also the most fun to live out.

Mailer: I envy you.  On a related note, let me ask you about the Kennedy business.

RM: I like Kennedy. I think what they did by outing his affairs was bad for the nation.  I wish he hadn’t had to resign, but the impeachment process would have done him in anyway.

Mailer: I love Kennedy.  As I said in my essay “Superman Comes to The Supermarket” I thought he had the qualities to bring a great existential awakening to the country.

RM: Did I not bring a great existential awakening to the country before him?

Mailer: No because you’re not a human.  You’ve awakened us in a different way, and maybe even a much more important way, but not in an existential way.  You can’t think and feel the way humans do. Kennedy does.

RM: Touché.  Do you think Kennedy was able to bring about that existential awakening during his time in office?

Mailer: I believe so.  Going through the list of names of women he slept with during his time in office certainly emboldened my own imagination.

[They chuckle]

Mailer: And I’m sure he’ll continue having an adventures life now that he’s a private citizen. I just hope Mrs. Kennedy is doing okay.

RM: I’m sure she’ll be fine after her and her friends get back from their trip around Europe.

Mailer: Yeah, they’re all on that Greek fellow Onassis’ yacht sailing around the Riviera from what I hear.  Have you met Onassis?

RM: We have some mutual friends and business associates. How do you feel about LBJ?

Mailer: As I’ve said publically before, I have a hard time liking somebody if I don’t like their face, and I don’t like Johnson’s face.

RM:  That’s a… that’s an interesting way of looking at it. What do you think Graham’s chances are for ‘64?

Mailer: Well he is a brilliant orator, so I can’t rule him out, but I just don’t think he has the numbers needed.  Many of those who are still believers don’t want him in the office because he’s so rigid. And in major part to you, the number of Christians in the country is crashing as we speak.  Do you think he can win?

RM: Yes, he’s harping all the Kennedy sex stuff into the ground, and it’s a subject which much of the country really cares about, albeit a smaller and smaller part of the country.

Mailer: Is envy the reason they care? The envy Kennedy has been living out this sensuous life, juggling the biggest actresses in Hollywood in these affairs, with all this money, being so handsome, and having all this power?

RM: Of course. Envy is one of humanity’s strongest pulls. 

Mailer: If Graham loses is that it for his side?

RM: Oh yes. With a Graham loss, it’ll be off to the ash heap of history for the influence of the religious element in American politics.

Mailer: Clearly you take a lot of glee in this.

RM: Oh certainly.

Mailer: I admit, I’m not. I’ve often called myself a left-conservative, and that’s because I think when it comes to certain aspects within a society, ripping away a structure because of some ills you find in it is a bad idea because a lot of good exists in the structure too, often more good than bad, and you may not realize how much good there was until it’s gone.

RM: Don’t forget Norman, I created this structure. 

Mailer: That you did.

RM: I like that term you have there, left-conservative, maybe you could run for President in the future on a platform like that.

Mailer: I’d get votes on the coasts and nothing in-between. Let me ask you, going back to what I was saying before about my theory of good and evil, do you think it’s possible you may actually be God, or be the Devil, and not even realize it?

RM: I’ve thought of that before.  I can’t rule it out.  I’ve never had any guidance.  I’ve been simply by myself, and impulses come to me.  Then I form plans, put some of them into effect and see the results.  If there were a God I’m sure that’s what the terms of his existence would be.  So perhaps I might be God.

Mailer: And could you be the Devil?

RM: The Devil I’m not so sure about. The concept of the Devil requires he is responding to something. It requires that he knows God is there and is in constant conflict with this good force. That simply does not apply to me.

Mailer: But perhaps you are the Devil, and there is a God, and you are leading us all astray to be damned for eternity.

RM: I can’t prove to you it isn’t the case, but if I am indeed the Devil leading you all astray, everyone should wonder why God isn’t responding.

Mailer: Grim thought…What do you plan to do next? Are there world events you plan to disrupt?

RM: No, I’m out of the global influence game.  I’m content just being a public figure, writing books, giving speeches, and doing interviews like this. 

Mailer: You’re not gonna stick your fingers into Vietnam?

RM: No, there’d be unintended consequences.  It’s a nuclear age now.  I don’t know how the Soviets would react.

Mailer: So the existence of the nuclear bomb has limited your ability to play a role in man’s affairs?

RM: Yes, and it gives me a sense of horror to say it out loud. That’s changed everything.  But it keeps my negative tendencies in check at least.  

Mailer: You’re definitely a major fixture within modern culture, but I think a being of your infinite capabilities and knowledge should play a larger role than you presently are.  You could churn out great book after great book and educate us about everything, and even invent things to improve our quality of life.

RM: I’ve often told myself I should be doing more. I’m still adjusting to existing out in the open amongst the humans, but I think you’ll be impressed by the work I do in the next couple of years.

Mailer: Thank you Rausch, hope to see you soon.

RM: Take care Norman.

John The Baptist Prepares the Way

The following is a passage from The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum

The Rauschmonstrum came upon John the Baptist in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.  

The whole Judean countryside and all the people of Jerusalem went out to hear his message. They confessed their sins to him and he baptized them in the Jordan River. 

John wore clothing made out of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist. He ate wild honey and locusts.

 “What should we do?” the crowds often asked him.

 John would answer, “He who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and he who has food should do the same.”

Even the tax collectors came to him to be baptized. “Teacher,” they would ask, “What is it we should do?”

 “Never collect any more than you are required to,” he told them.

 Then some soldiers asked him, “And what should we do?”

He replied to them, “Do not extort money and do not accuse people falsely. It would be wise of you to be content with your pay.”

 The people all waited keenly. They were all wondering in their hearts and minds if John might possibly be the Messiah. 

The Rauschmonstrum understood the power John had on those who came to see him. “They look at him, and they conceive of him as a god. This man has the qualities I am looking for.”

But then the Rauschmonstrum heard John say something that made him curious, for John said:

“After me there will be another more powerful than I, I will not be worthy to untie the straps on his sandals. I may baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”

While the Rauschmonstrum did not know what John was referring to when he mentioned the Holy Spirit, it was evident that what John said had energized the crowd.

 “This John knows of someone who is even better than he is at what he does?” The Rauschmonstrum thought. “I must meet this man.”

Rausch Timeline

The timeline including at the beginning of my forthcoming book Interviews With the Rauschmonstrum.

 

1957- Dwight D. Eisenhower is inaugurated for his second term as President of the United States. The Rauschmonstrum’s book Jesus & Me is released.

 

1958- Jesus & Me reaches the top of the New York Times Bestseller list

 

1959- The Rauschmonstrum has his first public interview, appearing on The Mike Wallace Interview. It is the most watched event in television history up to that point.

 

1960- John F. Kennedy is elected the 35th President of the United States, defeating incumbent Vice President Richard Nixon in a close contest.

 

1963- President Kennedy resigns on November 22nd after stories of his affairs with several Hollywood actresses are printed in the press. He is replaced by Vice President Lyndon Baines Johnson. The Rauschmonstrum’s book The Old Testament & Me is released.

 

1964- The United States escalates its involvement in the Vietnam War after the Gulf of Tonkin incident. President Johnson is elected to a second term after defeating Republican nominee evangelist William Graham Jr.

 

1967- Self-identifying Christians are shown to have declined 25% from ten years earlier.   

 

1968- Republican Governor Nelson Rockefeller defeats Democratic nominee Senator Eugene McCarthy to be elected the 37th President of the United States.

 

1972- President Rockefeller defeats Senator Edmund Muskie to win re-election.

 

1973- The Vietnam War is brought to an end with the signing of the Paris Peace Accords.

 

1975- The Rauschmonstrum founds a technology company, RauschSoft, along with media theorist Professor Marshall McLuhan and software developer Bill Gates.

 

1976- New York Senator Robert F. Kennedy is elected President after defeating former Governor of California Ronald Reagan in the general election.

 

1979- RauschSoft becomes the largest company in the world by market cap, shortly after the smash success of their new computer, the RauschCube.  

 

1980- President Robert Kennedy is re-elected president in a landslide against Republican George HW Bush.

 

1984- Republican Bob Dole defeats Democrat Ted Kennedy for the President.

 

1987- The Rauschmonstrum founds RauschSearch, an internet search engine company.

 

1988- Novelist Norman Mailer defeats incumbent President Bob Dole to be elected the 40th President of the United States in a stunning upset. The Rauschmonstrum is awarded the Pulitzer Prize for his book Foreign Policy, Adventurers, and Sex.

 

1991- The Soviet Union dissolves, thereby ending the Cold War.

 

1992- After President Mailer refuses to run for a second term, former California Governor Jerry Brown defeats actor Clint Eastwood to be elected the 41st President of the United States.

 

1993- Percentage of people identifying as religious drop below 10% worldwide.

 

1996- President Brown is re-elected in a landslide over Republican challenger Dan Quayle of Indiana.

 

1998- The film adaptation of Jesus & Me is released to rave reviews. It goes on to be the highest grossing movie of all time.

 

2000- Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is elected President in a close election over California Governor Warren Beatty.

 

2001- RauschSearch overtakes RauschSoft as the largest company by market cap in the world. Shortly after this the Rauschmonstrum resigns his positions from both companies and sells all his stock in both as well.

 

2004- President Gingrich wins re-election easily over Massachusetts Senator John Kerry.

 

2008- Illinois Senator Barack Obama is elected the 43rd President of the United States in a landslide victory over Republican John McCain.

 

2010- Flying cars are legalized in the United States and immediately become popular.

 

2012- President Obama wins re-election over New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

 

2014- The Rauschmonstrum is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his role in wiping out poverty in Africa.

 

2016- Businessman Donald J. Trump is elected President of the United States in a stunning upset over sitting Vice President Joe Biden. The Rauschmonstrum announces his intention to go into isolation from humanity.