The Rauschmonstrum Rule

As some of you know I am in progress on another Rauschmonstrum story, “The Rauschmonstrum & Moses” where the Rauschmonstrum plays his tricks on Moses, aiding him in freeing the Israelites from Egypt and then bears witness to all the terrible things Moses does afterwards. This Rauschmonstrum Remix tale is a lot less fun than “The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum” mainly because the bible books Moses is a character in (Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) are terrible pieces of works.

Despite the obvious flaws in the morality Jesus of Nazareth prescribes, they are at least reasonable flaws! The Gospels never get close to the disastrous instructions Moses gives the Israelites. For one thing, murder and rape seem perfectly fine to Moses as long as it is done to people from outside groups. Slavery is also inexplicably allowed despite Moses having just freed his own people out of slavery. Reading this nonsense, I couldn’t believe any of these stories play any role in the 21st Century, they are simply the worst.

However, enough with bashing monotheism, there’ll be enough of that in future posts. All in all, Moses’ world is not a welcome one for the Rauschmonstrum. Moses is in charge of doing too many bad things for the Rauschmonstrum to gloss over them. Ol’ Rausch has too sophisticated a morality to let Moses give out such terrible laws and start such barbaric warfare.

This experience has caused me to create the Rauschmonstrum Rule, which will serve as a critical standard for all forms of literature, and perhaps other mediums.


The Rauschmonstrum Rule: The more feasible it is to add the Rauschmonstrum into a story in a major way, the better a story is.


To explain further, since the Rauschmonstrum is an immortal, ageless, shape-shifting monster, he is better suited  than perhaps any other fictional  character in history to be edited into any piece of literature. However, some pieces of work are set up in a way where adding in the Rauschmonstrum would turn it into a garbled mess. Or, as is the case above, the story may have too flawed a morality for the Rauschmonstrum to take part in it in good conscience.

Some of you will argue that the more complex a work, the harder it would be to insert the Rauschmonstrum, and that this is a flaw in my theory. I disagree. Take the example of Ulysses by James Joyce; certainly one of the all time most complex pieces of English literature. I think the Rauschmonstrum would fit in quite well in that story. For example, he could be a fictional character Stephen Dedalus makes up during a philosophical brain storm. Or he could follow Leopold Bloom around during the course of his day, shape shifting into different people Bloom meets as he goes from place to place.  Now, it would certainly be time consuming to insert Rauschmonstrum into Ulysses but that is a different matter entirely.

As you, my loyal Rausch Pals, create your own Rauschmonstrum Remixes, our community will get a good sense of what works and what doesn’t. I’m sure many discussions will be had based on this, and I look forward to it all.

Till then,


-{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}-

Cut-Ups, William S. Burroughs, and the Rauschmonstrum

Language is a virus from outer space” – William S. Burroughs

Cut-up: A literary technique performed by taking a finished and fully linear text and cutting it in pieces with a few or single words on each piece. The resulting pieces are then rearranged into a new text.

William S. Burroughs is probably the most famous literary figure to utilize cut-ups in his work, and his popularization of them led to certain musicians to use them for their lyrics. (i.e. David Bowie, Kurt Cobain).

Burroughs believed that since language has a colossal impact on how we see the world, and that it also traps us into certain frameworks of thinking. Therefore, he reasoned that if we change the words we use then our realities would change as well. This was a cornerstone of Burroughs’ conception of the magical universe,the belief that our minds have control over the inter-workings of the universe, thus a change of mind equals a change in universe.

This brings us back to our pal the Rauschmonstrum. In my first blog post I described the Rauschmonstrum as a “narrative virus” because of how easy it is to insert him into stories. By inserting the Rauschmonstrum into the Gospel story for “The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum” my intention was to alter the readers’ viewpoints of the original text, hopefully so that they could then see the absurdity of the Gospels, and in my own way play a role in the continuing decline of religion in the United States. If it turns out that I am a success in this goal then I will be a happy fellow. I’ll be making some more Rauschmonstrum stories using this method, taking previous works of literature and using them for my own purposes, and I invite all of you to do the same. (Not for commercial purposes of course, that’s my racket.)

-{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}-

The Rauschmonstrum, E-Prime, and a Call to Storm the Public Domain

In college I became a fan of the writer and philosopher Robert Anton Wilson.  One of the more intriguing ideas he introduced  me to is “maybe logic” and “E-Prime.” E-Prime is English in which the word “is” is done away with.

In example:

1A. John is lethargic and unhappy.

1B. John appears lethargic and unhappy.


2A. John is bright and cheerful.

2B. John appears bright and cheerful.


3A. This is a fascist idea.

3B. This seems like a fascist idea to me.


Wilson’s advocacy for using E-Prime was because he felt it caused people to express less certainty in their words, which in turn would lead to people having less certainty in their thoughts, all of which would lead to people having more flexible minds. A video of Wilson explaining this idea is below.


I believe our pal the Rauschmonstrum relates quite a bit to Wilson’s ideas, since the Rauschmonstrum’s purpose is to serve as a symbol of fluidity and chaos. Inserting him into a narrative causes the narrative to lapse into chaos, which is just the way I like it.

If I had unlimited time I would take thousands of pieces of public domain literature and rework them so that they were Rauschmonstrumified. Alas, I do not have enough time to do this. Therefore I call upon you, my loyal Rausch Pals to help in this task.  Storm the public domain by force and deface it with Rauschmonstrum infused revisions.  If you are particularly proud of what you have created, send them to me.

Suggestion: Start with the holy books, I’ve already done the Gospels so make your way to the other ones.

—The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent—



The Rauschmonstrum As Graffiti

As some of you have seen on the Rauschmonstrum’s Tumblr and Pinterest I have drawn what may be referred to as “Rauschmonstrum Graffiti,” taking paintings (public domain of course) and drawing in crude images of our friend the Rauschmonstrum. My favorite of the ones I have done so far serves as the front cover of my book.

The Rauschmonstrum is very easy to draw , which is essential because I am a terrible drawer. I find he always looks awkward in these paintings, yet also in a strange way seems to fit in. I welcome you to take part in your own forms of Rauschmonstrum Graffiti and post them all over the web.

—{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}—

That Time God Hypnotized Pharaoh So He Could Kill Him

While reading the Book of Exodus for my Rauschmonstrum prequel “The Rauschmonstrum & Moses” I realized something new about the text. After the Pharaoh  (while mourning for his son after God kills all the firstborns in Egypt) lets Moses and the Israelites go,  God hypnotizes Pharaoh to chase after them, specifically so God can show Pharaoh whose boss, which in this case means drowning him in the Red Sea.  As it goes in Exodus 14:4:

“ I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will follow after them; and I will get honor over Pharaoh, and over all his armies; and the Egyptians shall know that I am Yahweh.” 

Free will, my ass.

—{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}—

Things I Learned About the Gospels While Writing My Book “The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum”

1. It is obvious Jesus intended on returning to Earth once again during his disciples’ lifetimes.
2. It is obvious Jesus believed, much like most others in his time, that physical illness is caused by sin. Apparently being the Son of God wasn’t enough to give him knowledge of germ theory.
3. Anybody who gives out the advice to a bereaved son “let the dead bury the dead” should not be taken seriously as the central figure of altruism, yet somehow he’s thought of as such.
4. Knowing how to slide your way out of a no win situation by exploiting an unseen hidden option is one of the best skills a person can have.
5. The Gospel of John is a bizarre document. It is as though it is the Prog Rock of the bible. I wonder how it became a part of the canon, it seems more at home with the unofficial Gnostic gospels.
6. Jesus is not the “happy hippy” he usually is seen as in modern society. He has a specific vision for how mankind should behave and he spends a great deal of the story (particularly in Matthew) berated people for their failures. He is also relentless in his pursuits. Harold Bloom was right to call the Jesus in the Gospel of Mark an early incarnation of Hamlet.
7. Each gospel is unique, and the characterization of Jesus in each one is vastly different. I think a good alternative title for the collection would be “4 Authors in Search of a Messiah”

—{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}—


My Depiction of Jesus of Nazareth

In CS Lewis’ famous “trilemma” he argued that Jesus must have either been deluded, evil, or actually divine. I believe that if the fellow existed at all then he was deluded. This is as I am near certain he wasn’t who he said he was, and I doubt he did what he did out of malice, because if that were so, I think he  would have avoided getting himself killed.

In my book, I give a fantasized account of just how deluded Jesus really was. However, by no means is he intended to be seen as stupid. He wouldn’t have been able to wiggle out of the types of verbal traps the Pharisees set for him without being exceptionally clever (I’ll detail this use of “third options” in a further post). If I have succeeded with “The Gospel of the Rauschmonstrum” the readers will laugh at the absurdity of the story-line, while saddened by how the Rauschmonstrum manipulates Jesus off to his bloody end.

—{The Rauschmonstrum’s Press Agent}—